The ocean

We start off another blog post with a folky quote:

there’s plenty of fish in the sea

This is usually used to comfort people who feel lonely and search for a partner but I haven’t really thought about it until now.

I mean, have you seen the sea? It’s fucking huge! And it’s not like you’re out fishing or anything, hell no, you’re swimming for your life, nearly drowning when you’re supposed to search for a bloody fish.

Who the hell invented this phrase? Fish are fast, agile creatures, not very easy to spot and if you do happen to get your fingers on one usually slip right out of your hands.

And how do you get one to stay next to you? You have to bash their head on a rock. I mean, really? Fish, in the sea? Thanks for making me more depressed.

So if I were to take all I’ve said and deconstruct the metaphor it’s basically telling me that there are a lot of women out there, but they’re far apart, extremely hard to get a hold of, extremely hard to keep around you, and to keep one from getting away you’d pretty much have to kill her.

Umm… okay. Any more great advice?

Well if there is anything I do like about this quote is how well it scales. Sure, if you’re a rich kid with great looks, you’re pretty much in a powerboat with 30 fishing lines dangling out around the boat and a sonar to make sure there’s always fish around. Thanks for the extra depression mister stupid quote maker.

Either way, I hope none of you took this seriously, just messing around with an idea about how folk knowledge isn’t always the deep meaningful life advice it pretends to be.

And seriously, don’t worry about boyfriends and girlfriends, if you’re a loving and caring person and try to be tolerant and care about other people, I mean genuinely care, there’s always going to be someone out there who can love you. They’re just hiding really really well :D

Have a fun weekend my friends and cheer up!

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Honest or whiny

There’s a fine line between the two, even in the best of friendships. People have a limited amount of attention and they usually don’t want to be bored by your whining.

But then how do you tell your friends you need support from them? And when do your problems matter to them enough to care? Should you overload them by nagging them all the time or should you let them be and keep it all in?

I guess there’s always a balance and there’s always an element of chance involved. You should go to your friends when you feel you need a boost but you should also try to keep track of who and how often you’ve asked for it. Chance comes in as an unknown factor because people’s moods can vary and with them their tolerance to your complaining.

If I were to draw a line between just whining and actual opening up to your friends it would be your openness to their solutions. To put it in another way, if you get a solution and you’re not looking for one you had better accept it or else you’ll hurt that person’s feelings. I mean there’s your friend, willing to give up his good mood to delve into yours and you reward his empathy with ignorance?

Basically don’t bitch about things you can’t change and things you won’t change. If it’s out of your control or you’re too lazy/selfish to change you don’t deserve to be helped. Sure, we all have our moments when we feel like crap and we just want a little free compassion but don’t abuse that, or make sure the other person knows it’s just that, and not a cry for help.

And of course, last but not least, try to think what impact your complaining will have on your friends. If you call one of your friends crying on the phone knowing they can’t help and that you’re going to be in this mood for a bit you’ll just bring them down. You’ll simply transfer your mood to them, and worse convince them there’s nothing they can do to help you…

Don’t be selfish, and don’t push people away if they do want to help. Having said that, don’t keep your feelings in either, they’ll make you bitter and afraid and that doesn’t help anyone, let alone you getting better.

My conclusion for this would be to try to solve what problems you have in your life that you can solve and leave the rest alone. Feel free to find strength in your friends, and don’t hesitate to ask for their help but do think of what harm you could do in the process. And seriously, cheer up, it’s not that bad, whatever it is. A week from now you won’t even remember you felt this way.

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Why so cheery?

Quite a few people have asked me why I’m so damn positive and happy-happy in my blog posts. Truth is, I’m not. Most of the time lately I’ve been depressed and bitter and well all I feel like doing is act like a damn drama queen and bitch about all the things I wish were different.

But then why the hell would I share that with you? You’re not my friends so you don’t owe it to me to listen to my ramblings. Plus, bitching and whining makes for boring content and doesn’t really improve your life in any way now does it…

Which is why I post why I post. I mostly try to at least end on a positive note so that maybe someone somewhere will take that and get some motivation out of it. I want to help people who feel worthless or who have bad days and just give them something to think about.

Of course, most of the time my state just leads to strange philosophical discussions which I hope some people enjoy.

Just wanted to clarify this for those curious. Oh, and bitch a little I guess. Had a decent mood this morning but it changed.

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Quitting Games

I’ve had a realization last night: games make me a bad person. I phase out of life, spend hours upon hours chasing illusive goals and tasks for not much fun in between. This is even more apparent when I look at my game-addicted friend Alex, who has managed to convince himself to stop playing World of Warcraft (took him about a year just do finally achieve the actual stop) just long enough to start playing Starcraft 2.

It’s a grind, and a worthless one. I get sucked into an illusion that I’m not worthless and that I’m this fictional guy who can do anything. But that’s the problem: it just offers an inexistent condition, which actually ends up making me even less ok with myself because after all, it’s not me who makes all the crazy things in the game – it’s the character. He’s the ladiesman, he’s the cold calculated assasin, he has the friends who drop off cars, guns and drugs for him.

Which begs the question: where does that leave me? Well, I’m just… “living in a dream world”. I’m reading this article and I’m amazed by how many things one person can achieve. How much work someone can do and profit from it. This is what I want, not some dimly lit cubicle with a bunch of people who can’t really give a damn around me. It’s a waste. And it leads to so many awful and pointless feelings. Who then lead to games.

So… no games? Well, sort of. I just know I won’t be able to quit TBOGT until I finish it. I just know I even shouldn’t quit FPS games altogether because sometimes they sooth my nerves. I just need to forget about most of them, and stop using them as a form of escapism.

Which leads me to escapism in itself; it’s wrong, and it’s what generates the depression. You live your life thinking work is shit, you must do it to eat and then you need to do anything but work. It’s a shitty way of life, because you always try to disconnect yourself from reality when what you should be doing is working on improving reality, not consuming modes of ignoring it.

So games are mostly out. I won’t care about Starcraft 2 because it takes too much time. I’ll wipe Assassin’s Creed and Just Cause and Episodes from Liberty City from my drive and just keep Team Fortress 2. And maybe GTA cause it takes so much to load I usually lose interest when I just think of it. And I’m also keeping Sam and Max, the new episode. It’s just too witty to miss, and it’s casual.

Point here is games are ok, but only as long as you’re having fun, and only as long as you can still remember when you started, what time it is, and how long you plan on playing them.

Hope you enjoyed this, please subscribe so you can get more and not forget I even exist. :)

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Concealment

We all share a fear of being disliked. We all crave being accepted and fear being ridiculed or even marginalized. This leads to a very intricate and deeply rooted in mechanism of hiding what we feel is not going to be found desirable by the people we want around us.

This of course creates a snowball effect in crafting this detailed mask we wear when we meet certain people; slowly but surely you begin to follow the instructions this mask gives you instead of following your own instincts and personality, which normally leads to more complex masks and so on.

The biggest issue is this: do we really want to be perceived as something we are not or is there no other way to make people enjoy your company? I’m very skeptical towards people who say it’s best to be as open as possible and so on. It’s not because I’m not an open person, on the contrary, I tend to be too open. It is however because your behaviour breeds behaviour in other people. By being extremely open and polite and kind-hearted others instinctively take advantage of that, whereas if you seem like a mysterious stranger you tend to appeal only to those truly interested and that weeds your chances of rejection.

But do we really want this? Is being a concealed person a good strategy in a such a lonely world as this? Does this not lead to even more loneliness and detachment?

Then is taking off our masks the only choice? A utopic conclusion of complete transparency can only end in tears; sometimes the masks are there to protect people, even people we care deeply for, and sometimes they’re there to protect us from the world.

I’d love to think this as a viable solution, I sincerely would because it would allow me to stop caring about all the baggage I carry with me through life. But is that baggage not what shaped me into who I am? The bad but also the good; I am merely a blank slate with a series of choices and happenstances that have created all my inner demons and all my good intentions with them.

Is there really any conclusion to this? Perhaps, but it’s not the point. We won’t change the status quo, at least not enough to prompt the kind of change we wish to see so it’s pointless to expect such a thing. The point, I feel, is the realization of this mask, of this social burden and this cloudy vista we’re given through it.

Try to think, especially if it’s something or someone you care about, around your self-imposed mask. Think what the real you would do. And accept the conclusion no matter what it is, for that is who you are.

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Romance

Man, do I love romance. I find it such an interesting philosophical concept that I’d really like to envision it as a real possibility.

This honestly defeats the purpose of this post from the first line because I really want to think true love is possible. And I don’t mean my definition of love, I mean crazy sustainable enjoy life next to you love.

Bringing science into love is a moot point because nothing can be analysed when it comes to matters of the heart. But as I said before, behaviour breeds behaviour so we must at least acknowledge that our actions can actually decide… stuff.

You know what, this is bullshit. I’m trying to rant on love. And I can’t do that without sounding bitter, facetious or simply lame.

I just wish it would happen.

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Determination

To boldly stand in the face of adversity and spit in its face; but who does one manage it? How does one go beyond his issues and unresolvable inner conflicts for long enough to be able to also successfully counter both unfavourable happenstances and peer resistance?

My opinion is that the answer is simple: they don’t. Most people either simply quit or fake it for the cool factor. They look at their issues and let them overwhelm them. They forget everything around them and focus on the massive issues they face. And there’s also a psychological substrate to this: when you’re depressed you focus a lot on the problem at hand and therefore are (scientifically proven) a better problem solver and a more effective worker.

But I’m not advocating being depressed. That is never a message worth spreading. What I am advocating though is that you should remove your preconceived notions of what you should be and how you should behave, even what you should accomplish. Let them fall away and your stress about them will slowly fade.

Determination comes from inner strength and that cannot be achieved until you’re ok with who you are, where you are, what you do and so on. Simply put doubting yourself actually leads to you being weaker than you could be. And if you ever feel like something is not what you wanted find an alternative solution.

If you don’t like the way you are, get used to it. You are who you are and there is no changing that. Many people have tried many things and emerged years later with a lot of wasted time, a bruised ego and an unhappy realization that their new view of the world is unsustainable. Again, that’s not a free pass to act irrationally, just an encouragement to drop the expectations.

If you don’t like your workplace, by all means, get the hell out of there. A lot of people miss out on a lot of opportunities and the possibility of being happier, richer, etc. because they believe other options cannot exist. Don’t just quit your job because you’re bored or don’t want to work, quit it because you have something amazing waiting for you out there and because you want to work harder than you ever did for the right goal.

With this I leave you, as with most of my articles, without a real conclusion, but with the knowledge I’ve maybe inspired some of you, maybe even a tiny little bit but that’s okay. Find a motivation for everything you do and find your inner strength to do anything you feel you wish.

Now find the inner strength to subscribe :D Have a great day my friends!

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Sun is shining

Hello my dear friends and good day! I’m feeling somewhat strange right now because I’ve had a pretty busy and tiring day and again not everything went my way (but most things did) yet I still feel good. I feel great actually, especially compared to the dreadful state I had this weekend.

And I think that is my point now, don’t have any expectations for the best or worst for tomorrow, just go with the flow. I mean today I woke up at 5 am and didn’t get home until 4pm when I was just so exhausted I instantly fell asleep, woke up at 6pm and started doing stuff around the house. I’m positively wrecked by the fatigue, got absolutely mad this morning because we had to wait in a million queues and deal with a lot of bureaucracy which is all my friend needed after losing his mother and still I feel okay.

It’s interesting that our preconceived expectations don’t really affect our reality as much as we’d expect, I mean not even our mood is predictable. Not even other people influence us as much as we’d think, and when they do, it’s strangely so. For example the friend I spoke of earlier is positively wrecked because of all the trips between hospitals and having to bribe every single medical “professional” in order to get some half decent health care for his mother and still there was not much he could do; still, seeing him like this and having the energy to go on with the whole thing gave me strength. It didn’t depress me, on the contrary it showed me that even in the face of adversity you have to push on and try to make the most of it.

Simply that someone can lose both his parents within less than a year and still be able to make jokes and keep a positive attitude at times is amazing to me.

So I leave you with this: be positive, even in the face of great adversity. Be strong and optimistic and don’t hesitate to be hopeful for the kind of happiness you’d like to see happen. Cause maybe it will. Enjoy the song, one of my favourites from perhaps my favourite film (Late Night Shopping) :D

Finley Quaye – Sunday Shining (buy)

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Old friends

Today I was talking with a friend and I just remembered the great times I had with an old friend, who I haven’t really talked to in a long long time and whom I lost touch with because of a girlfriend who was too immature to accept my friendship with another girl.

I won’t really get into details because it’s pointless at this point in time but I will share some old photos I took of her that I loved and that my ex deleted from the web in a fit of puerile jealousy. But enough negativity, I hope you like the photos as I’m quite proud of them but keep in mind it was somewhat at the beginning of my photo career so I wasn’t that experienced. I just loved the expressions. And the fun we had. Just feel like nowadays that simple fun eludes me but I’m sure it’s just all in my head :)

Click on the photo below to open the photo gallery:

alina Old friends

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Game Drugs

I just finished perhaps my fifteenth round of Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook with a strange realization: I’ve been manipulated! Then, it being a CoD4MW2 free weekend I decided on playing that and lo and behold, it too messes with my psyche. It’s all about the fact that these games were designed to create an addiction.

Allow me to show you an example: Bejeweled Blitz is very little about seeing some combinations and very much about getting massive combos and random happenstances. Basically it’s a game of chance, and the way the gems fall dictates almost all of what you will be able to do in the game. Thus it is not that hard to manipulate the user into receiving the score the game desires of him. This is the first mechanism of control, and the strategy played by this is to catch you in the game the first time you play. By allowing you to get a pretty high score on your first go and getting close to your friends it causes you to get very excited about it. Then, exactly like a drug, your scores become normal scores from your second game on and you’re hooked trying to get that initial score and then beat it. And now it’s not that easy because the game won’t give you the easy combos.

The second mechanism is time; scarcity to talk in marketing terms. The game lasts exactly one minute. You can extend that by paying or by playing long enough that you get coins which you can use to add a mere 5 seconds to the end of the next game. Because the time is so pressuring (it’s reinforced by a very loud and annoying audible alert that it’s running out) you tend to play one more game just to see if you can do better. You also get a last hurrah which is basically a demo of what you could have done had you used up all the power-ups on the board. That also hooks you in to see if next time you can get them, and use them.

A third mechanism is continuous rewards. After every game you receive coins, regardless of your performance. You can even do nothing and still receive coins. This gives you a sense of accomplishment even if you basically suck at the game. It also gives you a target because the coins unlock various power-ups that can greatly improve your score. You also get a bunch of statistics and medals after the game, again another reward, and again they just pile up regardless of your actual performance.

The fourth way in which they keep you addicted is that they offer constant encouragements during the game, offering compliments increasing in power (good, excellent, awesome, etc.) as you progress in score multipliers and so on, again showing you it’s possible to do better. Also, you get this suggestion as you progress and you go over score tiers (25k, 50k, 100k, etc.) and that motivates you to push on, go farther. It’s addictive.

However the most nefarious method I’ve seen that this game uses to keep you hooked is the simple judgment of your skill. If it sees you having poor games and then even disastrous games it automatically offers you a board with more choices to match, more multipliers and so on. If it sees you losing, and therefore losing interest, it makes you win. It makes you have fun even if you don’t want to.

Modern Warfare has a different approach, although it also includes the useless medals and mounting experience points, not to mention unlockables. Its approach is the level system. You level up, you get new stuff, more powerful, bla bla bla. How do you level up? By playing. Playing a lot! And it’s definitely worth it, I mean you get a lot of new things but basically you can easily work with what you have at the beginning. But it’s made to be addictive. It’s made so people challenge other people’s worthless level numbers and unlocked bonuses and thereby suck them as well into the circle of addiction.

I have a friend who just quit WoW and it’s really interesting how he was caught in the game; he didn’t usually have that much fun yet he played on for hours each day. He had not one but more characters at the highest level yet he still played to get the best gear and so on. His addiction was serious and it was preventing him from doing other things, but that’s not what we’re talking about; the point is the game and its very intricate mechanisms of keeping you in it (did you know there are perhaps a dozen currencies in WoW, all useful for something in particular?).

Games are being created with consumption rather than experience in mind and while that makes a lot of sense from an economical point of view it does not from a let’s say moral point of view. They’re not meant to be fun anymore, they’re meant to be played a lot, obsessively, and shared with other friends in such a way to prompt even more purchases and so on. It’s sad because the games themselves suffer when subjected to such ideas, great features are thrown out and replaced with tedious grinding gameplay for no reason at all. Why do I need to be a level 70 to wield an AK-47? What’s the reason? There is none, other than it has to keep you in the game.

My conclusion would be screw these useless games and achievements and start living! Get some friends, go out, enjoy life! Meet someone new, maybe try something new if you can. Biggest problem here is that it’s shy people and loners that end up playing this kind of stuff because they just feel sad about their real lives so they choose a virtual world where they feel their life is progressing. And they can’t really meet new people… cause they’re shy. But hell, there’s a lot of lonely people out there, maybe you’ll find another lonely shy geek of the opposite sex to make it worth your trouble ;)

That’s all for today friends, hope you liked the change in scenery and I promise I have a very nice post coming up for tomorrow, already scheduled it and everything :) Subscribe and if possible let me what you think about the blog and so on.

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